Given last weeks fascinating study on dropped beer bottles, here is another one. This article published in 1987 actually earned its authors the IG award, given only to the best of the best quirky studies.

What would be an effective spermicide, these intrepid authors wondered. Why not try Old Coke, caffeine-free New Coke, New Coke, Diet Coke and Pepsi-Cola? I mean wouldn’t these products come to mind first and foremost as spermicides?

Spermicides basically kill off sperm and are inserted into the vagina prior to intercourse. This study however studied the ability of those soft drinks to slow down the sperm. If sperm moves slowly enough then pregnancy will not occur. All of these drinks are carbonated and perhaps the authors felt that this, along with the unique patented ingredients of these beverages, would be enough to do the trick.

The goal was 70% reduction in speed. Don’t ask me how, but the speed was somehow measured using a “transmembrane”. Sadly none of these drinks came even close to the 70% threshold. The authors also warn potential users (and God only knows how many fertile females there must be scrambling at a chance to place say a Diet Coke into their privates) that such use of these soft drinks can cause irritation and infection.

Perhaps the investigators will launch a new study with other beverages say Sprite or Mountain Dew.